Sharing about infertility with others

March 28, 2019 at 9:04 amGood luck banjo - Your post reminds me of me and my DH’s situation. It is always a personal choice. I chose to be very open and share a lot with my family and friends, mostly for the reasons you stated: it can be isolating and lonely. For me, it has been the best decision I’ve made. We had a miscarriage early on in our TTC journey and I really needed their support to cope with that. We told everyone we were TTC, which made our situation slightly different. But we did that because we knew I’d have difficulty getting and staying pregnant (PCOS). We were also vocal about it because no one else in my family struggles to get pregnant (or so it seemed), and it has helped them understand more of our feelings and why we abstain from other people’s baby showers, etc. I will say it can be frustrating sometimes because they think there is a magic quick fix, but there really isn’t. My family is just now really getting it as we’ve had to start fertility drugs and begin telling them that adoption might be our next step (our insurance doesn’t cover REs, IUI or IVF so DH and I agreed to a cut-off for our TTC journey).

I really hope this helps you make your decision. Even if you don’t tell your family, tell someone, even an acquaintance. I received so much support from near strangers when I couldn’t keep it together after our miscarriage and throughout this difficult process. It was very uplifting and helpful especially since we’re both at ages were people assume we’d get pregnant just fine.

• Log in or register to post comments

April 14, 2019 at 11:46 amWe've always been open with our families- not necessarily a long conversation but they know we're trying (& in early stages of 1st pregnancy). Most of my friends know I've always wanted children and it's nice to see my husband open up to a few of his friends too. Everyone is overwhelmingly supportive and we have heard many stories similar to ours that we would have no idea about if we hadn't been vulnerable first. The couple with only a ten yr old; adoption. The couple been married for ten years before having first child; IVF. The young couple with seemingly no problems who have an almost two year old and another on the way; IVF and miracle surprise. Be encouraged, you will find that more of your friends struggle in this area than you can imagine, but we are not alone.

• Log in or register to post comments

July 20, 2019 at 8:12 pmMy husband and I have been trying to conceive for 16 months now. We told our parents about our fertility issues after six months, but I confessed to my mother that I felt very uncomfortable sharing this roller coaster of an experience with my well-meaning aunts and uncles, who were frequently asking when we were going to try for a family. Also, my family is an enmeshed one; they share absolutely EVERYTHING about each other. My mom and mother-in-law, who are the coolest ladies on the planet, offered to talk to our families for us. I also asked them if they could tell our family members to refrain from asking us questions, to avoid the not-needed advice and “words of encouragement.” So far, everyone has been respectful of that boundary. Of course, I still regularly talk to my mom and mother-in-law cuz like said, they’re awesome. My husband and I have made the agreement that whatever next steps we make toward our little family (which currently includes two cats we adore), we are now in a place to make that announcement ourselves.

I’ve also had the good fortune of having friends and coworkers to talk to. Not all of those conversations were helpful, but I wouldn’t have found those supportive people had I not taken a leap and shared in the first place. And of course, there are just some people, family or friends, with whom I have not shared at all because I don’t see them as being very helpful or empathic.

Whatever you decide to do in sharing (maybe you already have), make sure it’s the right decision for you and your partner. Hope you find your peace!

• Log in or register to post comments